✨ Mother’s Day Can Be Complicated: Navigating Grief, Pressure, and Mixed Emotions

Mother’s Day Can Be Complicated

If Mother’s Day feels easy, joyful, and uncomplicated for you—you can probably skip this.

For everyone else…keep reading.

The Pressure of the “Perfect” Mother’s Day

Hallmark sells us an idyllic version of motherhood—one defined by selflessness, where cookies are always freshly baked, skinned knees are perfectly kissed, and dinner is on the table by 6pm. It’s filled with impossible standards that no real person could ever meet.

The reality is…a little different.

As mothers, we are too often caught in the push and pull of having to do everything while feeling like we aren’t really doing anything well enough. It feels like a ball is always being dropped—we’re always falling short. The demands are constant and relentless.

And sometimes, it makes us yearn for someone to mother us.

Why Mother’s Day Can Bring Up Grief

For many, Mother’s Day is a catalyst for grief.

For those who were lucky enough to have loved and been loved by a “good enough” mother but have since lost her, the day can feel especially isolating, like everyone else gets to celebrate while they stand on the outside looking in.

Others grieve the loss of the mother they never had.

Their mothers may be living, but they’ve had to accept that they won’t receive the kind of mothering they need. Navigating a complicated relationship with a mother—especially on a holiday that idealizes motherhood—can be painful and confusing.

They may feel forced to celebrate a false image of motherhood while quietly holding their own truth.

We live in a culture with very little space for the reality that a mother could be anything less than perfect. And because of that, Mother’s Day grief often goes unseen and unacknowledged.

The Hidden Emotional Labor of Motherhood

And some of us are navigating all of this while caring for aging parents and young children—shout out to my fellow sandwich generation “geriatric millennials.”

Motherhood isn’t just about what we do, it’s about the emotional labor we carry.

So who is Mother’s Day really for? Is it for our own mothers? For our children?

Because most of the women I speak with would say it’s not really a day for them.

It’s a day of pretenses and performances.

And at the end of it, it often becomes a time for grief; a moment to finally let those feelings surface after holding it together all day.

If we’re lucky, maybe we get to kick up our feet and watch our favorite TV show after the kids are in bed (only to fall asleep on the couch five minutes later).

How to Cope When Mother’s Day Feels Hard

I think Mother’s Day is a lot about adjusting expectations, allowing space for all the messy feelings, and then finding a way to celebrate you.

Maybe not on the actual day if it’s too packed with obligations, but giving yourself a rain date to do something you really want to do—alone, uninterrupted, and without taking care of anyone else.

If Mother’s Day is hard for you, you are not alone.

There are so many women who struggle through this day but put on a happy face and dance the dance—for their children, their partners, their in-laws, their mothers…for everyone but themselves.

When you see the happy family brunching together, it’s natural to compare, but what you see isn’t always the full picture.

You’re Not Alone If Mother’s Day Feels Complicated

In my opinion, the complexities of motherhood—both having a mother and being one—aren’t talked about nearly enough.

We deserve more honest conversations about motherhood—in all its messy glory.